Recently, my train of
thoughts seem to be heading towards Nihilism station and I am at a
conflict whether I should step off and stay there. The pessimist in
me keeps asking me what's the point? Why keep advocating what you
deem to be positive change? You realise that your are but one of
hundreds of thousands unheard voices, right? I'm somewhat inclined to
agree with my pessimist self, although “unheard voice” might not
be entirely accurate; we're heard all right, it's just that our
voices are callously shrugged off and ignored.
Indeed, what is the
point then? The countless debates, discussions and arguments I have
been in either conclude in ad hominem attacks or we arrive at an
impasse – neither of us convincing one another that our political
beliefs or ideologies are the “right” ones. There is no right or wrong or global truth; we all just like to project our ideals onto a baseless world and shout over one another until we are blue in the face. Many hours just
wasted, albeit stimulating I suppose. But I don't go into debates just
for the sheer pleasure, you know.
So what is the point?
Almost every day there are terrible conflicts happening and caring, compassionate people
march in their thousands in protest just for a brief mention in
parliament, before Prime Sinister et al decide that their plan of
action is the best solution for resolving such conflicts. And so
bombs are dropped in retaliation, homes are destroyed, communities
are torn asunder and innocent lives are extinguished. Ah well, that's
collateral damage for you, isn't it? Except when such barbarism
happens on English soil, then it's called “Terrorism”.
Utterly pointless,
isn't it? I am but one of many “loony lefties” opposing the
rising right wing rhetoric of “Muslims and refugees are bad” (to
paraphrase) that seems to be sweeping this island at the moment.
“Britain is for the British so put us first!” they vacuously
shout holding banners, flags and crosses. “This is a christian
country!” Is it? Do pagans ring a bell? Druids? Surely Britain is a
secular country nowadays? Or it should very well be. No
matter how many umpteenth times one exposes the right wing group's
bigotry, hypocrisies, racism etc, it just goes over their heads as
it's all deep rooted in their personality. So accusations are flung
that either of us are being brainwashed by leftwing/rightwing media propaganda and that is it. We get on with our lives despising one
another.
Is there any point?
There are far more compassionate and motivated people than I, and
they are just another voice that gets drowned out by all of the
self-congratulatory governments and their wealthy friends. Not long
ago, I squatted with some anarchists on a farm who just want to live
outside the system that's imposed upon us all since our birth.
Despite their peaceful and compassionate way of living, the system -
who manifested itself into a local wealthy man – seeks to force
them out of the unused and technically unowned land for business
purposes. I lasted a week with these brilliant individuals while
they, as far as I'm concerned, are still fighting the man so they can
live out their anarchistic lives. Money will probably prevail though.
Pointlessly wasting
time, aren't I? Determination is never enough for me. I was
determined to be educated; to seek enlightenment; to take up
humanitarian causes, but my determination whittled away when I was
pushed out of the door being told I wasn't good enough. Determination
and compassion isn't enough. For all of my talk of travel, I spend most
of my days in my room when I'm not working some drudgery job. There
are many bona fide nomads and vagabonds out there, travelling the
earth on pittance while I lack the courage to do so. And if I do
travel for the rest of my life, what will it be for? What is the
point of experiencing when once we're dead, our experiences and
recollections die with us? My memory may live on with family, but
only for a few generations will my stories be told before I will be
forgotten, just as my great, great, great grandparents are. Nothing
of what I do will be immortalised because I, like most, will not do
anything significant and noteworthy in my short time on this planet.
Being born on this
planet was pointless, wasn't it? Oh, Earth is beautiful for sure, but
it has been ravaged by humanity and has been divided between us all
because of the concept of borders and countries. The planet has been
imposed arbitrarily invisible lines dotted across its surface and
are kept there by jingoism, patriotism and nationalism. Such concepts
have led and still do lead to war because a government claims a bit
of soil as their and their people's own. Not only do borders cause
tension, but so does difference of ideologies and religious beliefs.
Advancements in technology also means more dangerous technology and
there's been fear of nuclear war for some time now. With current
tensions as they are, we could very well see armageddon in the
future. And you know what? Good. That's what humanity needs. I will
stand looking out towards the horizon, a mushroom cloud and with my
arms open wide, embrace the shock wave that will come my way. We are
the fucking cancer of Earth...
Pointlessly rabbling on
now, aren't I? We are over 7 billion people on this planet; 7 billion
individual thoughts; 7 billion opinions. I can't change diddly squat for as long as there is an "us and them" mentality. What right do I have to change people's minds and to call for drastic
changes when the majority seem content with how things are, anyway?
That's right, for all of people's vilification of the devastating
wars that happen, they will soon condone disgraceful actions if it
fits in with their world view. Humanity is one contradictory mess and
we are seemingly OK with that. A part of me wants to resign to the
fact that I shall make no difference and any determination to do so
is futile. Well, it has been so far.
What does any of it matter anyway? All of what we do; our existence is but a flicker in a day of the live of a star.
