Problems, Hitch-Hiking and Farvel Nordjylland

I haven't typed much lately about what I have been up to during my saving up period, as I felt that I had summed up my work in my last article about Nordjylland. However, some things did change and I was given more responsibilities and a little more variety of tasks. Also, I'm now sad to say that I am no longer working at Nordjylland in light of my recent problems which I'll elaborate on shortly. 

Another thing I have not mentioned in a while is hitch-hiking. Fortunately for me as it started getting cold, it was decided that Nordlys would pay for my transport to Tvind and back on study weekends, so I haven't done any hitch-hiking these past few months, except from last week. That's not to say I haven't traveled by way of the thumb since I last mentioned it though. Unlike my previous articles regarding hitch-hiking, I was actually very lucky as I didn't have to wait around so long. You may recall that the first time I hitch-hiked to Nordjylland, it took me over 10 hours, but other times, it only took me around 4 hours. Some pretty interesting people picked me up along the way: a worker at a refugee center, a student studying at a film school, an enthusiastic tattoo artist and middle aged man who disregards the law on drinking and driving. I remember one time I inadvertently hitched a ride from Ulfborg to Holstebro by asking two ladies for directions to the train station, and because they didn't know where it was themselves, they offered me a ride to a bus stop then changed their mind on account that it was a very cold day, so were gracious enough to drive me to Holstebro themselves instead. It's kind hearted gestures like that that reminds me not everybody is so selfish and self-serving. 

So, back to Nordjylland. It must've been three months or so I helped Lars with the building project. Gradually he struggled with giving me tasks to do and eventually my plan was changed; I was going to be helping Ole in the workshop and carry out tasks with a couple of the students there. It seemed there wasn't much for me to do there either though, except help make yo-yos which was quite enjoyable. Another student had started by this time and I was tasked to do music with him two days a week. He's a pleasant young man with a great sense of humour I can relate to, so it was often fun having these music sessions with him. We both learnt to play a few songs together during my time with him. Initially, he was quiet and introverted, but over time he started coming out of his shell and opened up. He's very anxious around a lot of people and won't eat in front them, but I managed to get him to drink some tea and have the odd slice of apple or a piece of bread sometimes. I felt I was making headway with him and was in the process of taking him on a trip to a cosplay convention, but then, almost abruptly, I was told I would no longer be working there.

Gerda had some qualms with me and we had a meeting before I left for our study weekend. She was disappointed that I had not learnt much Danish in my time being there which is understandable. Admittingly, I did get lazy with learning Danish; Duolingo was frustrating - it was hard motivating myself to use it - and I kinda lost my incentive to learn Danish as, for the most part, I was doing practical work and when I did finally work with a student, he was happy to speak English (in fact, I think they put him with me as he was very eager to speak English with someone). So they are my justifications - hey, I didn't say they were good! No, in hindsight, I really wish I did put more time and effort in to learning Danish. I could have asked the teachers and pedagogues for help. In any case, I was determined to put my head down and learn after Gerda told me of her disappointment.

She also had other minor gripes with me. One was that I wasn't using my own initiative much and not communicating with the teachers. The latter is fair enough as I am generally a quiet person, but it is also due to the fact that I couldn't communicate with them due to the language barrier (that I guess I had put up myself by not learning!). After all, I do communicate often with my teammates for example. The former, though, I'm not sure I agree with entirely. Recently I had decided to meet with the Nordlys pedagogues and state that I would like to make changes to my daily plans so I would have a better idea of what I am to be doing and on what days; I wanted more responsibility and I was given more chores to do in the afternoons and evenings. Also, it was my idea to take the student out for a trip as I thought it would be really beneficial to his development and had wrote down a concrete plan and budget for it. Also, I put together a "hygge" club Thursdays where the students can mingle, play music or draw together. It wasn't entirely successful though (only one night more than two students bothered to turn up), but it was still something. Too little too late, I guess. 

So after talking with Gerda about these problems, I was determined to do better. After all, I enjoyed working there and felt I had bonded with quite a few of the students. OK, I wasn't integral to all of their developments, but I'm not a pedagogue. I'm inexperienced in this field of work and I'm a student myself. Of course they wouldn't go to me to talk about their problems as that's what the pedagogues are there for. As one of the pedagogues recently said to me, I was just a helping hand. I was simply doing what asked of me on the plans made for me. No more or less than what previous DNSers done who were sent there. Gerda was happy to let me continue to work there and show improvements, but she had changed her mind as Michael informed me that I would no longer be working there during my study weekend, which was sad and surprising to hear. 

Of course, to state the obvious, this is all from my perspective. It's hard to be objective but now I'll try. Recently, as some of you may recall, I had told people that I may have a mild mental condition - a mood disorder called Dysthymia (note, it is a self diagnosis at this time as I can relate to some of the symptoms. A visit to a doctor is in order, pronto!). This means that sometimes, I have a low drive, low energy, I don't feel like socialising sometimes and I have problems getting to sleep. There are other symptoms such as feeling sad and having low self-esteem, but I don't feel depressed or feel like shit. Anyway, you can read more about it here. We all feel down and not very socialable sometimes, it's just that I may feel like that a little more than the average person. I just want to clarify and reiterate as some people misunderstand, I do not feel depressed nor suicidal or anything. I'm not stressed out nor am I on the verge of some mental breakdown. I just have infrequent days where I just don't have any energy or feel responsive. Most days, I am fine and feeling productive. 

I admit that having such a condition may mean that I am not suitable for such a job where I live with students with their own problems and have to work with them. Especially when they are concerned for me themselves as I guess I have been noticeably "down" sometimes. Whether it has been a great hindrance to my work at Nordjylland or not, I can't say. But if a lot of people are concerned about me, then perhaps I am underestimating how bad I am sometimes. I can only recall a few times where I feel this condition had affected me; one of the times was what compelled me to speak about this problem in the first place, as I didn't want people to be upset with me should they feel I'm being "off" with them. Sometimes, I did go to my room to be alone, but that's natural, no? I was there 24/7 (remember I lived and worked there) and need to cherish solitude every now and then. Unlike the teachers and pedagogues who work there, I have nowhere to go to blow off steam or go and relax and have undisturbed rest. I imagine most people would feel the urge to go to their rooms from time to time too. It's easy for people there to notice me being "down" because I have nowhere else to go to be "down". That's why, I think, it seemed apparent and perhaps frequent. My work colleagues could go back to their own sanctuary, away from Nordlys to be sad, angry, irritated or whatever and no one would be any the wiser - I couldn't. If I had a bad day, everybody would know it. Anyway, most times, I was just genuinely tired or just wanted to go and watch some shit on youtube in my room. Nothing more. 

Another thing that no doubt attributed to me feeling "down" was the fact I felt really lonely. Sure, there were students and pedagogues that I could talk and have fun with, but it's for work. It's a more professional kind of friendships I guess. Not to say that I didn't genuinely enjoy their company, but they were there to work first and foremost. I went out a couple of times with a few of the pedagogues, but it wasn't enough. I needed more of a social life as that was what I was missing and yearning for the most. I just needed a friend or something. I had told practically everyone about my feeling of loneliness and it was decided that they would bring another DNS student to work there too. And they finally did - now that I've left. I just hope they still plan to have two DNS students working as I imagine Marina will soon feel the same loneliness as I did. She's certainly concerned about it.

So, yeah, it was a slap in the face being told that I would no longer be working at Nordjylland during a time I felt I was beginning to make some impact there. At least potential impact anyway. Again, too little too late. No matter, Michael said I could stay at Tvind and work while we come up with some solutions to deal with my problem. Priority is seeking professional help and he seemed adamant I could get it here. My lovely teammates and friends were supportive of this idea. Then the following day, a punch in the face came - it was decided that, actually, I would no longer be a part of the DNS 2015 team. It wasn't made just because of my work in Nordjylland, there are other factors which I'll write about soon. I'm still trying to absorb it all in to be honest. 

After what was otherwise a great study weekend of meeting two new teammates - Marina and Andre, partying like nerds and doing a lot of promotional work, my next priority was going back to Nordjylland to get my things. Marina, who I guess would have being working alongside me, was now going to replace me so we agreed to hitch-hike together there. I wasn't feeling too enthusiastic about hitch-hiking as it was cold, wet and windy, but it was nice to be in the company of a bubbly, energetic girl who I figured would make it fun. It was Marina's first time hitch-hiking as well, so she was excited and a bit nervous too. 

We were dropped off in Ulfborg and walked to main road just outside of the village. We didn't wait for too long before a driver stopped - a Polish paramedic who had been living and working in Denmark for 7 years if I recall correctly. Usual questions were asked of where we are from, what are we doing, where are we going etc etc. Such questions are to be expected every time from curious drivers. He drove us a little further than where he wanted to go and dropped us off on the outskirts of Holstebro. 

It was at this time it started to rain, but it didn't break our spirits. We were busy singing, laughing and mocking each others accents to worry about getting a bit wet. Our initial place to hold our sign and stick out our thumbs seemed to be a bad spot, so we eventually walked further down the road where there were no more turns for drivers to use the gestural excuse of having to turn off down the road. 'twas a good strategy we thought. Just past some traffic lights to boot so we could stare them in the eyes and make them feel guilty for not picking us up. "Please sirs and madams, I need to go home. My children - they are dying. I may never see them again," I joked in some shit eastern european accent as they would drive past, of course not hearing me at all. Hitch-hiking with another person makes for some sillyness to pass the time though.

After waiting for about 20 minutes, an English teacher who was nearing her maternity leave picked us up. As somebody who has hitch-hiked herself, she naturally feels compelled to stop and pick up one up if she should see one. Often it is fellow travelers, hitch-hikers, vagabonds or whatever that tend to be the most likely to stop. We were once again lucky as she was heading to our next location - Viborg - and was generous enough to go a little out of her way to drop us off just outside the city. 

To pass an otherwise dull time of waiting, I taught Marina to sing "You Are My Sunshine" and she taught me some Catalan song for children which I can't remember (sorry Marina). Another 20 minutes or so, a young woman on her way to a funeral stopped saying she can drop us about 20km away. It was a kind of detour to Aalborg and we figured it would be nice to get out of the cold for a little while and at least we would be a little closer to our destination. The young lady had hitch-hiked in England one time and shared a story of how she was offered a lift by some lecherous old bloke who expected sexual favours from her. 

The lady dropped us off at a small roundabout giving us directions to where we should head next. By this time, we were hungry and Marina had brought some bread with her. As she began to rummage through her bag, an old man stopped in his old van. He couldn't speak a word of English but gestured us to come in anyway. Perhaps stupid on our part as we couldn't tell him where exactly we wanted to go. "Aalborg, Aalborg" we said as we got in and he replied something in Danish that made Marina thought he said he could drop us off 20km from Aalborg. It wasn't the case though. Instead, after about 15km, he pulled over on a road in the middle of nowhere. "Mange tuk" we said as we got out. With no clue to where we were now, we just waited patiently hoping the next driver could take us to Aalborg. As we waited, we ate some bread and some more sillyness ensued.

There were very few vehicles on this road so we joked about being stranded here and dying. But we didn't have to wait too long before someone stopped. This guy wasn't talkative, so Marina and I conversed while he just drove on silently. I think he only talked to tell us where he could drop us off - outside a city called Hobro. My hitch-hike experiences to Nordjylland never consisted of going to Hobro so I had no idea where the fuck we were now. We had taken a detour from my usual planned route. That's the thing with hitch-hiking though, plans may never go expectantly. 

It was at this point our fun journey started to become tedious. It seemed even more cold now and Marina couldn't feel her feet as we waited for fucking ages for someone to stop, but to no avail. I suggested we walk to the city and see if we can get a sense of where we are and if there's public transport we could use. We had some money on us after all. And I was hungry and thirsty too. So eventually, we gave up and walked stopping off at a supermarket on the way to get some refreshments. 

The next plan was to get a bus to Aalborg, but since we were on a road that headed to Aalborg, Marina suggested we continue to hitch-hike. I was reluctant at first as I've heard it's nigh on impossible to hitch a ride from within a city, but thought fuck it, it's worth a shot. Got nothing to lose and our spirits were back up. We waited just outside a gas station and it seemed that the rumours were true as vehicle after vehicle just drove on past. Eventually someone pulled in the station to fuel his car and Marina approached him and asked if he could take us just outside the city which would better our chances. Luckily for us, he agreed and now we were back on track.

Very quickly after he dropped us off, a woman stopped and picked us up. Finally, someone who was heading to Aalborg! She too had done a lot of hitch-hiking and thus was compelled to pick us up. She dropped us off near the E45 motorway to Frederikshavn and it was starting to get dark now, which meant that our chances of getting a lift decreases further the sun sets. Rapists and murderers are like to commit their heinous crimes at night and for some reason (mass hysteria), people are afraid of hitch-hikers because of rare and isolated incidents which has tarred us all with the same brush.

Anyway, a woman offered to take us towards Frederikshavn, but it was another detour. She convinced us we had better chances of getting a lift at the location she had in mind, and wanting to feel warm again, we hastily jumped in. We were dropped off at another gas station and I opted to buy hot chocolate for myself and a cup of tea for Marina. It was now dark at this point. Very few cars were driving now and I doubted anyone would pick us up at this time. I was proven wrong though when a young man with a great moustache and his mother told us to get in. They weren't going to Frederkshavn but said they could drop us off at a village at a bus stop which we were fine with.

Once there, we called Gerda who told us to get on the bus to Frederikshavn and get a pedagogue to pick us up. She told me that I could also stay until Monday so that I could say goodbye to everybody which was nice to hear and of course I accepted. It wasn't much longer before we finally reached Frederikshavn and Lasse came and picked us up.

So for the next few days, I stayed at Nordjylland. It was good to spend a little more time with the students and pedagogues there. I still helped out with some chores, cooking, cleaning, driving - the usual tasks that I would be required to do. I also baked a chocolate cake with Marina's help for us all, including Norden, which we all ate together. It was at this time I thought, did I really do a bad job here? Did I really not connect with anyone except from one student? It's hard to believe this when some of the students approach me and tell me that they're sad to see me go and want to keep in contact. 

During this time, I told Marina everything I know and what she should expect from this work. I helped her settle in and introduced her to everyone. On Monday, I went over to the school with her so that I could say goodbye to the teachers and students there. During tea and coffee, Lars stood up and gave a brief speech saying he's sad to see me go and presented me a gift from everyone - a nice, warm jacket - then I too gave a little speech saying that I had enjoyed my work experience there, I found them all a pleasure to work with and wished I had done more. I thanked them for the opportunity and told them I'll miss them all and farewell.

It was also nice spending time with Marina. I grew quite fond of her over the past several days and during a time when I should be freaking out, she kept me smiling and my spirits high. I just wished I could stay like that.

  

Wake Me Up When December Ends

I was bored and wrote a tongue in cheek anti-Christmas song today. Those who know Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day will know how the tune goes.

Here comes that time of year again
Stress induced month of consumerism
Wake me up when December ends

Buy, buy then buy some more
Being spoilt brats from the age of four
Wake me up when December ends

Consumers go forth to many shops
Be quick before they go out of stock
The more expensive a gift is
The bigger a smile upon your child's face
Happiness is measured by the things you own
To be replaced next year when they are old
Wake me up when December ends

Jingle those bells again
Decorated houses since November began
Wake me up when December ends

Greedily stuff your face with sweets
Complain you're putting on weight then have another treat
Wake me up when December ends

Here comes some snow again
Falling from the sky
Hearing Christmas songs playing non stop
It's fucking cold and my ears bleed all the time
Sod all of your festivities
I'm neither pagan nor a christian
Wake me up when December ends

No glass of wines nor roast dinner for me
I can't see my friends and family
Wake Me up when December ends

I'm a lonely and a bitter man
Nowhere to go, I have no home
Wake me up when December ends

Everybody's with their family
Decorating their Christmas tree
Sitting around their fireplace
Together oh so merrily
But no not me, alone and wanting to see
Sun kissed sweethearts in their bikini
Wake me up when December ends
Wake me up when December ends
Wake me up when December ends

Merry sodding Christmas!

A Song of Solipsism

I once genuinely believed that nothing was real apart from me; everything was a figment of my imagination and reality was projected from my cortex, via super computers on board some alien mothership where my true self is. My current body was nothing but a vessel for my consciousness as it plays "Terry Desmond Donaldson: The Simulation Game". Thus I used to jokingly think of people as A.Is. I no longer think these childish and egotistical notions now, but I was thinking about it the other day and consequently started reading up about solipsism. It's an interesting philosophical theory that only ones mind is sure to exist; I can't proof that your mind exists nor can I proof to you that mine does, but we can analogue experiences and empathise which is an inference that you too have a consciousness. Before I rabble on too much, here's a song/poem I have started writing:

I think, therefore I exist
I can't think for others, so therefore they do not

I'm aware only of my own mind
My consciousness exists through space and time
Reality and this world will end in my death
Then if I am my own god,
Am I accountable for all the bloodshed?
My thoughts, my dreams, my ideas, my experiences are my own
My illness, my internal conflicts I suffer alone
I will die alone

I will awake with a cortical shunt plug in the back of my head
Nothing has been real - just a reality created from my cerebral cortex
Then would this new reality be real?
Or another figment of my imagination?
Reality and dreams entwined as time stands still
False awakenings ad infinitum
Only my consciousness to me is known
Existing alone

Then everything I have endured in this world would have been for nothing
But the fact I have felt loved should account for something
Thoughts, dreams, ideas and experiences are shared
We suffer through ilness's and conflicts together because we care
Compassion can be seen and felt
Through acts of kindness, graciousness, aid and help
Tears run down the cheeks of every boy and girl
Because of the horrors and sadness commited in this world
Through empathy I know these things are real
I reject solipsism
It's nothing but arrogant egocentricism

When my heart collapses
Earth will still be spinning on its axis
For when I finally die
There will still be day and night
My consciousness may not exist anymore
But there will still be peace and war
I'll be nothing but ashes blown across the ground
Whilst people will still be rushing around
Some will wallow in sadness and misery
Then they, and the rest, will continue to create Earth's history

Presently, it's still a work in progress and I'll probably edit it from time to time. 

The DNS Program

During our study weekend in November, we said farewell to our teammate, Milan, and we also learned more about the DNS program and what we'll be doing - which we ourselves had to research, work together and present. So I'm going to write an article summarising what I learnt (More like trying to recall what was presented. What kind of potential teacher doesn't take notes?), for those who are curious and wanting to know about what this program entails exactly.

Economy

I've touched upon this before in a previous post, but nevertheless I'll mention it again as it's an important core of the DNS program. Our team has our own economy separate from the school's. Save for our monthly 300dkk pocket money, the money we earn from our saving up period is put into the team economy and is shared amongst us evenly through monthly budgets. We have different monthly budgets that covers our transport, food, accommodation etc, as well as the program itself. For instance, next year, some of the money we earn will go towards purchasing buses for our trip to Africa. We have, so far, two economists on our team - Mykolas J who keeps track of our income and Ausrine who keeps a record of our expenses; we have to make sure to keep any receipts and produce them to Ausrine. The economy will remain like this for the duration of the next four years.

Saving up

This is the period that I'm currently in and will end in September 2015 when we start preparing our trip to Africa. We have saving up periods for a few months every year and as the name suggests, it's a period of time where we find a job, work and earn money for our team economy. Where we work and what we do is up to us, and it doesn't matter if we all don't earn the same amount as together we are responsible for collecting the funds and spending it in accordance with the programme; we all have the same budgets. Those who are regular readers of my blog posts may know that I am currently working at a school in order to earn money for my team.

Africa Preparations

Starting from September 2015, our preparations for the trip to Africa will be underway. It's during this time that we'll be: planning an itinerary, studying African cultures and traditions and the continent itself, looking into what we want to investigate whilst we are there and how we want to bring it to the public, learning Portuguese, purchasing buses, converting them into "homes" and learning how to repair them, and getting our visas and vaccinations. A lot of these preparations we can do prior to date we start, such as learning Portuguese for example. After two months of preparations, we'll then be heading to Africa.

Fighting With the Poor

When people usually think of somebody that is poor, they probably imagine somebody that is impoverished, homeless and without a penny to their name; somebody that struggles to survive by begging or they may think of those African children suffering on the tv adverts. Of course, it's certainly correct to say that such people are poor, but we debated whether uneducated people are also poor and whether those with mental disabilities are poor. One definition of the word poor describes a pitiable person - someone that deserves our pity and perhaps help. During the presentation, I think we all had mixed feelings on what makes somebody poor. In any case, we need to be empathetic with those we deem poor in order to fight with them to make changes/improvements in their lives and their communities.

Bringing "It" to the Public

This is what I had to present to the team along with Honza and Amy, and it was a struggle to find out what "IT" exactly is, as the different students we askef from other teams had different ideas on what "IT" is. Some answered that it is the "experience and the ideas" and one vaguely answered that it is the "problems". After much thinking and debating, we concluded that whatever "IT" is, it should be something that we find appropriate and important to share with anybody that we can reach out to. Whatever message we want to bring to the public is something we'll (hopefully) agree on before we start our investigations in Africa. Hopefully, we'll present a different angle about Africa - something that's new and unknown to the mass public; perhaps we'll uncover important information that is otherwise being buried under an abundance of donation adverts. I hope we'll do something mind blowing, eye opening, thought provoking and informative enough that we can raise consciousness and convince people to be more compassionate towards their fellow human beings.

European Field of Practice

During our second year, we'll choose and agree (a tedious and difficult task to carry out so I hear) upon a destination in Europe to live, work and study for 6 months. We'll be trying to balance a life of cultural understanding, work, studies and engaging with local people and carrying out investigations - much like what our trip to Africa will entail I guess. Although this time, obviously, we'll be learning about and understanding society in Europe and the problems people here face.

Studies

Throughout the DNS program, the majority of our time will be spent studying of course! There are many topics that the DNS program covers and some of the ones I recall (perhaps I'll edit it in due time to put down a full list. I really should take notes!) are: global politics, art, philosophy, history, languages, natural sciences and pedagogy. There'll be exams throughout the years too. Also there is a point system in which we get points for every essay we write, for every presentation we do, investigations we carry out etc, and we need to accumulate these points and get a certain amount (I think 5400?), before we pass and earn our bachelor degree.

So that's about the gist of this program. Our presentations were more thorough, but this was just to give the curious reader a summary. Soon, hopefully, I'll be able to add our 10 second videos that introduce each key area.

If this article piques your interest and you want to find out more, then visit the DNS website. We're still wanting people to join our 2015 team in September by the way, so if this is something that you may want to be apart of and experience, then get in touch and attend a prep weekend. Or feel free to drop by and say hi!

Free Love, Man

I find it frustrating that people always have to know one's marital status and the reason for why one may be single. What's with people's obsession over relationships anyway? The more I hear of such questions being asked, the more I realise that people are probably subconsciously pressured into pursuing a relationship and settling down. But it's not for me and here's an article why.

Personally, I find monogamous relationships constraining and inhibiting; marriage, I think, is such a primitive and man made concept that was introduced to humanity as a means to claim ownership over one another.
"Wow, your wife is beautiful mate!"
"Yep. And she's all mine." Sounds possessive, no? Just one example of words you can expect to hear from married couples regardless of the gender. Of course, people don't need to be married to display possessive behaviour. As a man who embraces liberty and freewill, I find such behaviours and attitudes to be oppressive.

The ring upon a finger is forever (well, until a couple may divorce anyway - in western marriage that is), a reminder that one must suppress any feelings they may harbour towards anyone else. And, of course, it happens. Well it's bound to happen. I know people like to romanticise love, but what these mawkish people feel and attempt to describe is nothing more than a brain hormone called oxytocin getting released as well as a dose of serotonin. Love is literally a chemical reaction. Boring, yes? Well I suppose it is if you don't find the inner workings of our human bodies fascinating. Oxytocin gets released when one partakes in sexual intercourse, cuddles and bonds - hence why it is known as the "bonding" hormone. This chemical also has an impact on our social behaviours too by the way. If you're curious about this wondrous hormone, then Google it. My point is is that you haven't found your current "soul mate" (that conveniently lives in close proximity and frequents the same bar as you), because fate has aligned the stars and planets for you and your partner to meet, you just simply became attracted to one another and bonded as a result of chemical reactions in your brain. And no one has any control when these hormones get released. So I call bullshit when people try to convince me (more likely they're trying to convince themselves actually), that they're so in love that they don't so much as look at another man or woman.

How many times have you "fallen in love" throughout your life? How many relationships have you been in? Funny how soul mates come and go, isn't it? Kinda negates the meaning if you've implied that more than one person has been your soul mate during your life. "But Terry, I was young and naive. I didn't mean it when I said it all those years ago. But now I've settled down, I've realised that now I have found my soul mate." Wow, I guess fate was toying around with you for shits and giggles. What's happened is you've gotten older so have been pressured by society to settle down and your current partner will have to do. You have matured, realised that you want a sense of security, a home and a family. Next step, claim him/her as yours by proposing before they escape! I've seen so many people rush into such rash decisions and now they're miserable. I also know people that have been with their partner for all their life, though, and still claim to be happy. I respect their commitment, I really do.

As I said at the start, marriage and monogamy seem primitive and outdated to me due to the fact they shame one into not acting out their desires, and they suppress any feelings of intimacy and platonic bonds they may have towards another human being. Of course, this will have negative impacts and one will probably be miserable, only ever receiving their sexual gratification through fantasising and masturbating. Of course, they could "cheat" on their partners - and many do! But society will look at them with contempt. You only have to watch the undesirables that appear on shows like Jeremy Kyle to see how people point their fucking fingers, mock, laugh and talk lowly of these cheaters and sluts. Pitchforking and lambasting at its finest. And so we are instilled to live a conventional life (from an early age too. It's bizarre seeing little girls pushing around toy babies pretending to be a parent), striding to settle down with just the one person, get a nice little home and car lest you be shamed!

I think it's unnatural though; polyamorous relationships seem so much natural for us humans. Just look at other species in nature too. Before monogamy and marriage became the norm, I'd wager we got on fine with establishing many relationships, whether sexual or platonic. We are one of two species that don't just have sex to procreate, but also because we find it most pleasurable and there's no reason why we can't passionately enjoy one another without having strings attached. Of course, having polyamory relationships would mean overcoming jealousy and envy, which are mental obstacles and is probably the root reason why it wouldn't be practical for most. But for those of us that can abstain from being jealous, why should we feel ashamed to enjoy casual relationships with more than one person? One can't help how they feel after all.

So I personally don't care for marriage nor do I actively seek out a relationship because it's the be all and end all in my life. With my current lifestyle, it's not really a viable option anyway. I'll take any intimacy, bond, sex or whatever when it comes and is consensual. And I won't feel ashamed either. It's fine if you want to married and stick with one man/woman, just don't expect that's what everybody wants. Some of us just want to embrace free love, maan. Hell, I'd wager if we all just had one big fucking orgy, there'd be a lot more smiles.

Here's a song for you to enjoy: Crass - Berketex Bride

The Lonely Vagabond

In my spare time here, I like draw, read, write, play the odd videogame and my ukulele. So, the other day I decided to compose a song using my uke about a lonely vagabond who's missing companionship and intimacy, especially from someone who is now just a fond memory. Such is a life of a traveller I'd imagine. Without further ado, here are the lyrics:

People often question why
The reasons for how I spend my time
I don't want a life of drudgery 
I reply
The vagabond life is for me
My backpack is my home
On the road I am happy
I'm happy to be alone
But sometimes I wish I could just spend another 10 minutes with you
Oh, I'd feel so jubilant!
If I could just spend some more time with you
Oh if only, if only, if only, if only
If only you were here to hold me

I'm off to see the world
And encounter so many of its people
You're the only one that stands out my mind
I've yet to meet your equal
I've shared many moments of intimacy
And have had many great experiences
But none greater than the ones I've shared with you!
Here I sit alone, reminiscing. What's a man to do?
Oh if only, if only, if only, if only
If only you could be here to hold me

I'm always walking along many paths
Maybe, just maybe, our paths will cross again

Once I'm feeling ready, I'll probably record myself playing it.

Working at Dagskolen-Nordjylland and Trip to Skagen

I had a very good night sleep following my arduous journey here at the Nordjylland day school. Jonna was already up by time I had awoken and she took me to the kitchen house after I showered for some breakfast. Concerned about my feet, Jonna gave me a big needle to pop the blisters which relieved me a little of the pain I still felt in them. Afterwards, I was taken to house nine where the teachers have a morning meeting everyday and was introduced to everyone. It was decided that I would be working with Lars - a 53 year old carpenter - helping him with the construction of a new meeting room. Initially, I was a little confused as I was under the impression that I'd be assisting teachers and gaining pedagogical experience, but I soon thought it was pretty cool to have experience in carpentry under my belt. It's still a very relevant profession and skill to have afterall!

So having been tasked with helping Lars with his project, I followed him to the building that was being worked on. Although I had to quickly change into old clothes first! Lars and Ole (the mechanic here and also a general handyman of the place, as well as a fantastic guitarist!) gave me a decent pair of work shoes and, also being concerned about my feet, Ole went and got me some pads to stick onto the blisters.

 Due to me still struggling to stand, Lars let me take it easy for the day. A student called John was also helping today and I helped him carry over large planks of wood and put down some ground insulation. Much like a typical 9-5 job, we have a short break at 10 and then lunch at 12:30. As it was Friday which meant that we only work for half a day, after lunch I was able to finally move in to my new room and put my feet up, although not before meeting with Gerda first.

Gerda met with me and we discussed my work timetable, what I'd be doing etc. She also told me a little about the place. Dagskolen-Nordjylland is made up of three separate institutions: care homes Nordlys, care homes Norden and the day school. Nordlys is where students aged 13 - 18 stay and Norden is home for the older students. The school has a few classrooms, a big kitchen and dining hall and a workshop - where some of the older students come to learn and work; for example, a student will help Ole in the garage do repairs and we have a couple of students (as well as myself), who help Lars with the building project. When we finish work after lunch, we have afternoon activities; on Monday we go swimming, Tuesday is teachers meeting, Wednesday we do something sport related and on Thursday we have a music session. Afterwards, I stay in Nordlys and help the pedagog of the day with driving and picking up the students, as well as doing any other activity or chore. On weekends, we may go out and do something (like ice skating or shopping), with the students otherwise I just relax and/or do my own thing.

That's been the gist of my work so far here at Dagskolen-Nordjylland. It's nice that everybody here as a more "take it easy" approach to work - an ethos I think that everybody should practice! This is a stress free place because of it, and there's generally a pleasant atmosphere. If I weren't enrolled in the DNS program, this would be an ideal job for me, for sure. Alot of my previous jobs have had me put under pressure to work fast at the cost of my fatigue and efficiency which made me unhappy in the process - something that I think a lot of people can relate to. All for profit. 

Another great aspect of this job is that I get to tag along on trips with the students. My third week of being here, Lars and Ole invited me along for a three day trip to Laeso. The initial plan was for me to sail with Lars on his boat and Ole would take the students there via ferry, but due to bad weather, we were forced to change our plans. So instead, it was decided that we would be going to Skagen - a coastal town on the most Northern point of Denmark.

Lars and Ole took the boat while I drove a couple of students there, following behind Shaun in his car. We parked by the harbour and took a walk around some of the town. It's quite a unique and quaint town due to the majority of buildings being a  distinctive yellow colour. Many tourists visit the town annually as it's also famous for it Skagen Painters - a group of Scandinavian artists, and so there are some galleries and museums. Due to the annual influx of tourists, prices are very high in Skagen making it an expensive place to visit and live; always an inadvertent negative effect of tourism, unfortunately. 

So after being giving tidbits of information on Skagen as we walked around, we stopped to grab a hot drink and breakfast which consisted of a bit of bread and a slice of cheese. Once we finished, we dropped by a supermarket to grab some food then headed back to the harbour to wait for the guys to arrive by boat.

We waited for around an hour before they eventually arrived. Once we put everything on the boat and chilled for a little while, we decided to go for a long bike ride. We rode around the harbour which is Denmark's main fishing port. Smelt like it too. We then rode around the town then heading onto the outskirts, stopping off at a junk yard where we watched a few cars get crushed. It was quite mesmerising watching a huge destructive machine crush once drivable vehicles into small cubes with ease. It's good to hear that these now forgotten cars, no doubt what was once somebody's pride and joy that got them from a to b, were being recycled.

Afterwards we rode back to boat and I prepared myself for a spot of canoeing with a student. Because it was fairly cold and the water even colder, I put on a wetsuit in the case the worst happens - I fall in and get hypothermia. The worst did not happen though and we paddled around the harbour with ease. Ole took one of students scuba diving once we got back and I was offered a chance to try as well. Having never experienced diving before, I was well up for it! It only daunted on me just how scary and dangerous it could be to go deep underwater once I had all the equipment on and thus felt a bit nervous. Ole and Lars instructed me on hand signals to use should something go wrong and I want to back up to the surface, which I put to good use!

Having never "breathed" underwater before, I forgot to, panicked and swam quickly to the surface much to the laughter of everyone. "Breathe in and out gently as you go under. It'll be ok. You have the scuba gear so be calm," I was told over and over again. Humans being underwater is unnatural and so it may take a couple of attempts for the brain to get the hang of breathing while submerged in water. And as soon as I got the hang if breathing and thus going deeper, I ran into another problem: water pressure. If you've been on a plane or even deep underwater yourself, you may have experienced some pain the ear or felt that it is blocked. Usually, you can easily equalise the pressure just by making your ears pop (by closing your nose and mouth and blowing for example), but I couldn't manage it for some reason. I guess my Eustachian Tube is blocked or something. Of course, this caused me some distress and once again I swam up to the surface. Ole was running low on oxygen in his tank by this point, so I only had a couple more attempts before calling it a day. I'm sure there'll be opportunities in the near future to have another go as Ole and Lars are frequent divers. I think I should probably get my ears checked out first though! Evening was now dawning and so we ate dinner and just relaxed for the remainder of the day.

On our second day, once again we went for a long bike ride, but this time we planned to go to the most northern point of Denmark. It was a quite a long ride and we stopped to view an old lighthouse on the way. Once we arrived at the beach, we parked our bikes and trekked along the shore, climbing up some abandoned bunkers that were used during the war. Eventually we arrived at the most northern point where the Baltic and Northern sea clash from either sides making quite a spectacular view. On the way back, I tried some naturally growing berries that grow on thorn bushes on the sand. I forgot the name of them. Cycling back to the harbour, we stopped off to look at an old beacon that was once used to guide (or destroy enemy ships by misleading them) ships before lighthouses were constructed.

After lunch, it was decided that we would head to Albaek and stay there for the night. Once again, I drove whilst Lars and Ole took the boat to Albaek's harbour. By time they arrived, it was time for dinner and in the evening, we chilled by the rocks gazing in to ocean. For our last day, we drove to the other side of the coast and walked through a forestry area and then onto a wide beach that is heavily populated during summer time. On cold windy days though, it's desolate.

And so after we packed our stuff, I drove us back to Dagskolen-Nordjylland and then picked the guys up from Frederikshavn harbour when they arrived. It was a fun trip we had. Twas a shame I didn't get to sail the boat or spend more time trying scuba diving, but as Lars is fond of the ocean, sailing and diving and is something that we frequently discuss, he said he'll take me sometime. I'll be here for a year so I'm sure he will and there'll be plenty more fun and activities too no doubt!